Online dating can be a successful means to meet your partner only if you follow one basic rule: you meet with the person within the first one or two weeks of your first communication.
Online dating should mean business. It’s where you get your contacts. This is no different from being introduced by your niece to her neighbor, or having a blind date through a colleague or a friend. How you got to know someone is a technical detail. How you follow up on that contact is what will determine the prospects for success.
Since romance can only be created face to face, between two real people – what you’re opting at when dating online, is meeting them in person as soon as you can. You want to find out if this connection could provide a romantic opportunity. To sense whether an opportunity for romance exists you must meet him or her. Your goal is to look in their eyes, watch their body language, and observe the dynamics establishing between the two of you; this will give you a lot more insight than emailing them over a period of three months, and it will help you decide right away if you want to start dating them or not, and whether there may be a potential for a future relationship.
Stop emailing anyone who continuously postpones meeting with you. You should doubt their motives, personality and goals. More importantly, do not get emotionally involved with a person you have never met.
If someone tells you, after a week or two of email exchange, that they need more time emailing with you to get to know you before they’ll meet with you in person, assume they may not want to meet with you at all. For some people creating on-line relationships is often all they can or want to do. Don’t fall into the trap of investing your time and feelings in building a “relationship” based on email or on-line chat.
Dating on-line should be a technical process: say you look at someone’s photo and like what you see. Now don’t click to send them a message as yet. Take time to read their profile. Try to get as much information as you can from the person’s profile. Often what they don’t say is much stronger than what they do say. Read between the lines. Look for areas of possible compatibility. Are your goals similar? Does their background appeal to you? If you don’t like something about the profile, don’t ignore your intuition. It’s telling you something. Even if that person looks gorgeous, you want to find someone whose qualities appeal to you no less than their looks.
Be careful not to become obsessed with searching. It’s easy to scroll through 10-15 profiles, but it takes you nowhere. Rather decide what it is that you are looking to find in a person, and once you’ve found someone suitable contact them and go do something else. Do not become an on-line hermit. It’s detrimental to your social life, and generally to your health…
The most beneficial sequence of events from meeting someone on-line to dating them would be: exchanging a few emails within a week, talking on the phone soon after; then meeting in person. No more than two weeks unless outer circumstances do not allow it (one of you out of town etc.).
Meeting your on-line date for the first time in person is exciting, although unfortunately too often disappointing. The reason why it can be disappointing is because most people build up expectations. They read something and assume what they want to assume, sometimes completely unfounded in reality. This is why spontaneous encounters have a much better chance of success. When you don’t know anything about a person beforehand, you don’t have expectations, and your impression is based on the real interaction between the two of you. You are free from pre-conceived ideas.
To minimize potential disappointment, assign only a short time for your first encounter. An hour to two hours is enough. Agree in advance how much time your date will take, and stick to the time frame even if you’re having a great time together. It is a wonderful feeling to leave wanting more. A quiet café or pub is better than a noisy place where you can hardly hear each other.
Once you have met your online match face to face – you’re out in the world of real dating. Fasten your seat belt, and enjoy your ride.
Other potential traps for many online daters:
- Focusing on searching instead of finding (being too picky)
- Attracting frivolous matches (through a badly presented online profile)
- Creating a superficial process of communication (hiding behind facades)
- Dating more than one person simultaneously (confused ideas about dating)
- Ignoring datiquette (ignorance of socially accepted dating behaviour)
No single person today can afford going out on dates unprepared. If you want to learn more about Internet dating or Real-life dating, we suggest you subscribe to our FREE monthly Dating Newsletter.
We also offer dating workshops, dating seminars, one on one coaching, phone coaching, online dating courses and Evaluation of your on-line profile
Risk areas in
online dating include:
searching instead of finding
frivolous matches and creating a superficial
process of communication
than one person simultaneously
(socially accepted dating behaviour)
If you want to learn more about
Internet dating or Real-life dating, we suggest you
to our FREE monthly Dating Newsletter.
Copyright 2011 The Single Option. All Rights Reserved